Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
im holly from the hills drunk
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
