What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
