Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
