it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
My pussy is not your playground.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Randomize
