she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
