what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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