My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Come see our sink grown plant.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize