Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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