your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
