Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize