WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
