Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
