Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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