Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
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