I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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