I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize