i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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