You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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