the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
