We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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