Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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