why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
