Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
