you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
