Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
