Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
