I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
party gras won. party gras always wins.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
