Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
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