Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
It's Friday. Sex?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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