Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
