my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
