I just threw up on my dentist
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
