you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
My penis needs a shock collar
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
