I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
