im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
