It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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