just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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