Need sex. Gaining weight.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
