remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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