Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
