no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
