Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
