yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
