Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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