I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
