Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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