Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Can Purell be used as lube?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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