I'm really into asian looking animals
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
