What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
