new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
