In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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