There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
