it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
