Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
