apparently the secret to your success is patron
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
