dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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