its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
