So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
