it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
