She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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