Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
