I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
