if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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