Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize