UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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