Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
