Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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