I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
