so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
