Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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