i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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