my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
