Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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