The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize