I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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