dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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