I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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