Plan B is the new Plan A
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
