Need sex. Gaining weight.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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