Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize