dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
