so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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