if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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