I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
