dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
