Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
