all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
