highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
