I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
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