five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
